world peace begins with inner peace

Do not wait for the external validation of who you are internally. Do not wait for another to love before you allow yourself to love yourself. We are all uniquely placed in this world. We all have joy to claim. There is no need to postpone happiness. Only to embrace it and choose love over fear. Think about it and you will see.

we are all ourselves

a man bikes up a hill.
he struggles. survives.
his joy, visceral and pure,
for a moment strangers shared.

when one cries, the many weep.
when one flourishes, the many rise.
each of us one, all of us none.
together we become, together we exist.
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Inspired by Christopher McCandless’ quote, “happiness only real when shared…”

with alacrity i welcome the day

Do you ever wake up and feel like something INCREDIBLE is going to happen? I don’t know what it is but something’s dancing in the air:

air fresh with spring rain,
sky blueier against swirly whipped clouds,
flowers prouder with rain drop jewelry,
birds full of alacrity shimmy and sing;
together they welcome a new day of possibilities.

Indeed, SOMEthing dances in the air and hope and faith have won this day!

All this week I’d been focusing on what I didn’t have in my life, or on the complaints of others. I was negative and icky and sad and mad. A good cry can be rewarding. Just as anger can be motivating, or boredom…. and I embrace this past week of suffering for it allowed me to truly value what matters most. I see myself in full light and accept that all is ephemeral and perfect at all times.

I woke up this morning and I had a great feeling. It could be because I finally rested. It could be because I watched a wonderfuly romantic movie last night. It could be that I painted finally for the first time in a long time. Whatever it is – I went outside and felt amazing! The world was so inviting I felt like a Disney princess in that I could probably talk to the animals if I wanted to.

Thinking back on this morning and now on this day I wonder what changed. Circumstances are pricisely the same. So what changed? Was it me? Or am I reacting to something? What is it about this day that has me feeling like a child who woke up on her birthday? If the former, how can I generate such feelings and awareness everyday? If the later, how do I identify the original source of this happiness and seek it out again in the future? But perhaps it’s not meant to linger? Happiness and sorrow like ying and yang must co-exist. Such a realization convinces me to stop typing and to go out into this world and enjoy the ephemeral happiness that is now. For everything is changing around us at all times and we must capture the joy in the moment. The joy of beauty and glee, or the joy in release of crying or frustration.

Today I feel beautiful because I know I am perfectly imperfect.

Stop and Breathe, Then Shift Your Focus

Today is just another beautiful day. Full of possibility and promise, I woke up wondering what I would venture out into the world to do. Indeed, I was in a great mood until I wasn’t. Somehow as the day moved forward I was grumpy, anxious, tight, and worrying worrying worrying about the afternoon, tomorrow, next week, 2 months from now, and so on and so on. My breathing was shallow and I did not feel like I was living the happy and fulfilling life that my recent facebook status would lead others to believe. And, and and…. and then just more words kept spilling out of my head.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ….

Why do we do this to ourselves? All the negative thinking that often times we, or at least I know for sure I, am hardly aware of. And simply by acknowledging it I began to ease away from it. I thought to myself, when did this attitude begin? Was it was really as simple as walking past someone with a sour face that I began to notice all the little other sour items that lay before me? We really have so much power to impact our surroundings and I had let one man’s attitude impact mine and allowed mine to suficate the goodness from my day.

Okay, perhaps I’m being a wee bit dire – but what I did was check-in. I checked-in with myself, my body, my feelings, my thinking, and then made an active choice to live right now…. to notice my surroundings, be thankful of my full belly, to breathe in fully and exhale fully, to smile, and to lay to rest all of the doubts and shoulds I was jabbing my psyche with.

That said, I also had an urge to write. I’ve fallen off the wagon with this project I began a year ago today, but as the one-year anniversary of the start of my life approaches I will add some new posts and get on the ball with this whole writing thing…

With love in my heart and good will to anyone reading this – be happy now!! ❤

trying too hard

 today i was thinking back to a few years ago – on relationships, jobs, school, family, email conversations, IM conversations, friendships… and similar other type things. I began to contemplate my actions and wonder on what I could have changed about myself to produce better outcomes.

And my answer was: too much. I was trying too hard in all aspects of my life. I strained relationships, friendships, and family bonds… added tension to almost everything I touched… raised stress levels and forgot to breath. I’ve been utterly exhausted this year and I think I just now discovered the simiplest explanation for all of it — I’ve been trying too hard. To be something I’m not. To give a great impression of myself rather than just being myself. I’ve been working hard and not smart. I’ve thrown my energy in negative thinking, meaningless work, worrying, and presentation.

And looking back, now, it seems so pointless. None of that effort got me a raise, or a relationship, or better communication with those that I love. I just worked hard with no results. And when I relaxed – gave up – didn’t care or concern myself with other’s opinions or the past or the future… when I finally just let go… it was then that love and happiness found me. I got my breath back and I got my smile back. My authentic smile.

Today I tell myself constantly: enjoy this moment; breath; relax; release the tension in th muscles. I started bike riding to and from work as a way to slow down my day, my mind, and get into the present moment. To get in the mode of doing and thinking one thing – rather than multi-tasking several in body and mind.

So if you’re reading this, please think abotu whether you can check into your life and devise a way to let go. Remember that every moment is precious. A gift. And possibly even the secret to living — the pure simplicity of this moment. Relaxing in bed, writing, reading, listening to music, preparing a meal, caring for someone else, listening to someone else…. just be in the moment and feel free. And smile. And know that everything will be OK. You don’t need to figure everything out today. Just live and just love.

Social ranking and stress – the monkeys get it, why can’t we?

VIEW VIDEO ABOUT FLIGHT ATTENDANT STEVEN SLATER BECOMING AN ICON: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spDBM5vBxR8

I recently read an article about the flight attendant, Steven Slater, who had a beef with his employer and said screw it, I’m grabbing a beer and then launching the emergency shoot of the plane to say “peace out,” “BLEEP you,” and “have a nice day.”

…THEEEEEN… I heard that Americans across the country said, “Word! That man is a hero!” and they all pushed their little like buttons on facebook and thereby catapulted Mr. Slater to fame and eventual fortune. I say eventual cuz the so-called “hero” is getting calls about a book deal, interviews, reality TV… OF COURSE! Where was an unsolicited cameraman every time MY life took a turn for the worse, great or cursive!

Now I’m not bitter or anything, no no… I can see both sides here. No one wants to admit that going postal is a good thing — it can go tragic or it can go funny, lead to fame or financial ruin. And a part of me says YAY – stick it to the man! But really, really… when did we all get so flippin’ negative!? ((SIGH))

How many of us are festering over the fights we didn’t get into as kids? Who among us replay the moment we didn’t speak up for ourselves at work ‘cause it was tied to our livelihood? How often have you bitten your tongue when the correct response was burning hot on the tip…. dripping with the right amount of truth, humor and distain… so much so that it makes your enemy turn into stone with two shakes of a lamb’s tail? Perhaps you suck up 10 breaths as needed to maintain your composure in the face of a total ignoramus who is your manager or boss?

Well… after reviewing incidents like Slater’s and the cult-like following he received, I wonder if we all just need to chill the heck out? After all, we really don’t want to “fester and rot…” … do we?

[see Meg Ryan in FRENCH KISS for her scene about festering and rotting – a CLASSIC]

But OK, so if you’re saying to yourself — I won’t fester, I’ll express myself, I’ll be calm… do you ever then wonder if the “bad guys” are using this rationality against you? That you’re being a pansy for NOT throwing a left hook?
Well, I know I used to think about this a lot — whenever I chose the higher road and ran to yoga or took my deep breaths to avoid a confrontation. I asked myself — does this make me weak? I reassured myself – no, morally and spirituality it makes me stronger… but then I wonder if I was just being complacent… and then soon I just quit my job and invited a little poverty into my life… while my punk boss who made life a living day at a tea party rally sits comfortably in her office, smiling at the victory of shoving me out the door. ((SIGH)) ((SIGH SIGH SIGH))

Indeed, when I think about this current state of affairs I’m in I feel weak. I feel like I want to fight back. I want to yell loudly when it’s inappropriate. I want to punch someone out, grab a beer and head for the emergency exit. I want to be strong in every way to excuse lacking it when I needed it most.

And in doing this I realize it was my fault. I should have been stronger. I should have acted sooner before allowing matters to escalate. And, in recognizing this, I discover the person I hurt the most – myself. Do I really want to stay somewhere I hate and fight all day? Do I really want to be arrested or black listed for throwing some punches… do I want the stress, aggression or hate that follows from such self-deprecating behavior? Is this who I want to be?

I don’t think so. And so perhaps I am in the midst of writing this all to say that Mr. Slater is a hero… a hero for walking away from a life’s pursuit that simply wasn’t his. I know people who would love his job. I know folks who would have thrived at my old one. But just because they would doesn’t mean I should… and I think similarly the current angry state of affairs in the US and in companies the nation-wide are bespeaking a much larger phenomenon. Indeed, it’s a symptom of a chronic illness – stress from being in a situation you feel you have little control over.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.

God or no God — if our options are to stress over circumstances we cannot control OR focus our attention to those things we CAN control…then which camp would you rather be in? Camp 1 leads to stress and anger… camp 2 leads to healing, patience, and good feelings of ownership of one’s life.

If you say YAY – camp 1! All the way!!! Then please indulge me and check out this video:

You can learn more at http://killerstress.stanford.edu/. But what I took away from it is that the goal is zero to low stress. Chronic stress IS a killer — so get out of a job if you hate it. Get out of that routine, that negative relationship…. free yourself from daily stress! That IS something you can change! And if there’s something you want out of life go for it – grab it by the (ahem ahem) and never let go! And smile!

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As a side note, the video mentions another aspect of stress — social hierarchy. In the studies, monkeys with no control over their life and in a position of low social standing suffer the most the effects of chronic stress.

Going back to Mr. Slater – it’s now completely understandable that he freaked out. And given the economic state of affairs and the above video content… it’s understandable that Slater was such a big hit.

The New York Times printed a very interesting article discussing the matter of heroes in modern society. You can read the original here: Click here. The cultural historians, according to the article, say that a hero comes in 3 different shapes and sizes:
1. a person who delivers an acts of spectacular courage and skill (i.e., Capt. Chesley B. Sullenberger III, who landed a US Airways jet on the Hudson River in 2009 and took charge of the safe evacuation of all 155 people aboard)
2. a person who is a political figure, (i.e., abolitionist John Brown, Ghandi, or Michael Collins, the Irish revolutionary)
3. a person who is flawed in some way identifiable to the masses and is willing to risk their life or livelihood in the name of defying “da Man” (i.e., Steven Slater)

Interesting. So Slater did something we all hope we could have done – it doesn’t have to be as dramatic, but again – if you are hoping for something, then please, stop hoping and say, “I WILL ______________.”

And have faith that it WILL work out in time – even Slater, at first imprisoned and unemployed, soon found agents and offers at his prison-door step, and the toast of a nation.

So let’s celebrate his courage and smile at the possibility for greatness in our own lives!

Surfing and happiness

A big part of my life since quiting my job has been surfing. I started surfing about 5 years ago and absolutely love it. I might not be able to get rich from it, but surfing is something that I can do to turn down the noise of anything wrong in my life.

I wax my board and change into my wetsuit. The sand is hot under my feet and the sun warms my face. Just as I began to sweat in my wetsuit, I set toes in the cool 65 degree water. The tide is low and I can walk out to the waves. Families holler and laugh in the waves south of me. Tourists watch from the pier above me. Fellow surfers bob and watch the horizon for the next wave. I get out to the line up and dunk my head in the water – my hair wet, my face refreshed – I hop on my board and sit to wait for the next wave. I take in the cool breeze. I run my hands back and forth across the water. I smell the sea and the freshly applied wax on my board. Birds fly freely above me. The water, staying true to itself, rises and falls as my breath slowly syncs up.

When I surf I am completely immersed in my surroundings. All I feel is the physical and all the cobwebs in my head phase out as a smile forms on my face and my body balances. Just me and the ocean. Just little me and the big beautiful blue shimmering ocean. I am calm and I am happy – not thinking about the fight with my boyfriend, my future career move, traffic, or whether I’ll be able to find a parking spot when I get home… just me exercising patience as the waves begin to build.

I see a wave form and I turn to begin paddling. It’s about 4 feet away from  me and starting to curl. I paddle paddle paddle, digging deep and looking to see which way the wave is curving. It picks me up. I smile and breath in the force. I paddle two more times and press up, jumping to my feet. The board catches on the wave and soon I am soaring above the waves and flying. It feels like a good 40 miles per hour on the Ocean Express. The white wash breaks around me and I jump off my board, sinking into the cool water, it’s refreshing against my body, heated with adrenaline and exhilaration.

What fight? What traffic?  What career? What worry?

I stay for 3 hours. Catching waves and sitting to watch the sunset. Everyone around me is happy. I am happy. I am exhausted – worn to the bone but still going, still flying, still smiling. If I did one thing right in my life – it was to discover the joy of surfing. No matter what, I will always have the waves and my board.  I will always be happy.

Mother (nature) knows best

A number of my friends decided on graduate school because they needed change. Some were headed toward their destiny, while others simply found an expensive and timely distraction.

Is continuing education my dream? It was. I applied last year to the USC Masters Program in Social Work. I was accepted. But I was couldn’t afford it. The future debt compared to my future earnings made it an insensible undertaking. So I declined my acceptance and was yet again thrust into the pains of uncertainty and forestallment.

What am I going to do? My dream earlier this year was to attend an MSW program, then work at a non-profit, then open a private practice melding together mind/body approaches to healing. Maybe. Kind of. I think?

Dreams. What is a dream? How do we choose a dream and then follow it? A quote I love goes something like this: “shoot for the moon and you’ll fall amongst the stars.”

Where is my moon? Wo is my moon? What is my moon?